daysoflore.com

For more than a quarter of a century, FamilyLife has helped over a million people find purpose, encouragement, and hope as they discovered what God’s perfect plan for marriage means to their lives.

Weekend to Remember® is a memorable getaway for couples.

We just came back from the conference held in Ontario and it was amazing and a real eye opener! We stayed at the Doubletree Inn and whole thing was from April 21st to the 23rd (yesterday).

I love how these conferences aren’t just for couples who are in dire need of relationship-saving, but also for couples like us who just need a fresh reminder of the vows we took and the tasks needed to keep our marriage strong and alive.

The speakers were Gary Stanley and Mario and Lynelle Zandstra (Mario is President and CEO of Pine Cove Christian Camps in Texas). I loved how they shared their own real life stories of trials in their own marriages and how they worked together with their spouses to overcome them, which really helped us all relate more. Gary and his wife Luci, and Mario and Lynelle each have been married over twenty years (that’s huge considering how much society has corrupted the covenant of marriage for a while now).

Anyway, I’ll have to add more about the weekend llater, but suffice it to say, it was definitely a memorable weekend and we are definitely considering this to be an every other year event for us

four year anniversary

plus

two dozen roses

and a cute easter bunny

and pretty mylar balloon

sent to me at work

puts a huge giddy grin on my face

So yeah I always try to be a strong-type of person. Meaning, certain things will happen and I try my best not to let it faze me. Lately though, I’ve been noticing that it’s harder and harder to pretend I can take things and not let it affect me.

I was in a couple of car accidents last year, literally one month after the other, where I was hit from behind. Now everytime I’m on the freeway I have to brace myself and try to not freak out when someone is tailgating me. Yeah it’s always been annoying as hell to have someone trailing behind you so close, but I never was scared about it before. Now I’ve got this image in my head everytime the car behind me is coming to a stop short of my bumper, that it really is going to hit me. I don’t like being paranoid like that. I feel too much like a pushover.

Anyway that was a big thought during my commute home from work today. And I know I have to do something to shake this fear off. I mean, it’s one thing to be wary and drive safely, but it’s another to think every car on the road is going to hit me.

It’s a new day again, time to pretend.
With a smile on her face she gracefully
walks out the door
With her head held high.
Letting out a faint sigh
And searching for the energy to smile,
while everyone thinks she is fine.
But not I!
I see through her facade,
her clever rouge to deny her pain,
and I know she only cries when it rains.
To the world she is strong,
and capable,
and fierce,
but to me her fragile soul SCREAMS
and is dying to be noticed.
She aches for the truth,
and questions her ability
to stand it any longer.
If only there was someone
who can lend her some sun,
so that behind closed doors
she is not alone in the dark.
And that is where frustration shows his face,
yelling and screaming and taunting,
reminding her of the pain.
I hear her illude herself with lies,
empty reasoning that weakness is unaccepted.
And she takes it all and holds it in
so that tomorrow she can step out again.
She gathers some energy to smile,
and pretends that throughout this nightmare
she is strong.
But can she find enough courage
in that frail, worn-out heart,
to discard the mask she is wearing,
to fight herself out of the dark?
Can she reveal the ugliness that keeps her
in chains, and allow others to see her cry
without the comfort of the rain?
I see her in my looking glass,
and watch her everyday.
As she moves in her time in the shadows,
the memory of a woman content and strong,
is trailing behind her,
waiting hungrily to come back to life.

(written in 2003 — revisited with a few minor changes).

wrist watch, originally uploaded by daysoflore.

I always hate this time of the year.

And of course I’m having a hard time catching up as usual with the missing hour that was forcefully removed from my schedule.

So what do you do with a three year old that is too smart for your own good?

Well I guess I need to be asking myself that since James is becoming more and more of a talkative kid, with his “know-it-all” attitude. And sometimes I get caught laughing at it when I should be scolding him for talking back– but the ideas that come out of this kid’s head, I tell ya– I can’t help but react that way.

I’ve been correcting him again and again when he says things like, “He don’t say that”. At first it started out where I would say, “James, it’s ‘He doesn’t say that’”. In which he would promptly rephrase it the proper way. Now when he says “don’t” in the wrong context, all I have to say is, “what? He.. what?”, and he quickly says, “oh, doesn’t….”

So that’s ok at least.

But, getting back to my point. What am I supposed to say when I tell him to do something, and he comes back with the all too toddler-popular “No”, and I say, “James, don’t say ‘no’ to mommy”, and he replies, “but you say it to me all the time!”.

Ughhh.

The other day it was raining like crazy and he was with a babysitter at the church nursery while I was in the main hall practicing songs with the band for next month’s service. The babysitter asked him if he saw the sun that day. The dialogue consisted of this:

“No, the sun didn’t come out today because it’s raining. And the clouds are hiding the sun so it don’t… umm, doesn’t get wet.”

“Oh, will we see the sun tomorrow morning?”

“Well yeah, of course, if it doesn’t rain!”

She asked me later if I was sure he wasn’t really four or five, ha ha.

We were at his most favorite store yesterday, called “World Discoveries”, because of the Thomas the Train section in the back, and while he spent the hour playing with the trains all set up and out for the kids to go crazy on, I checked out the sales and bought him a Veggie Tales CD and pre-school learning books. I figure, even if he goes to school, I might as well teach him when we’re at home too. Besides, he loves the sections in the learning books that asks him to distinguish sizes and shapes. The real trouble I get is when there is a picture of lets say, 3 pigs in a pen, and below the picture are the numbers, 1, 2, and 3. The child is supposed to circle the number that correlates with the number of pigs in the picture (obviously, ha ha). James flat out refuses to circle any other number than number 1, to which he says, “Like Thomas!”

Yeah, umm, his fascination with Thomas trains and the whole (expensive) collection will need to be another entry all by itself.