daysoflore.com

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head saying,
You’ll never reach it.
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction.
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith

(Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J)

I figure I better have a few more posts in for January before it quickly slips by and it’s December again. Too fast, time… slow down, please.

So last Wednesday I slipped and fell (purely due to my unending clumsiness), while picking up Logan in the afternoon, and I landed hard on my left knee(cap) to avoid Logan from getting hurt from the pavement too. So not only did I get a big bloody gash on my knee, but I believe now that I probably messed up my ligaments pretty bad. Apparently there’s something you can get called, “Water on the knee“, where excess fluid build up would happen. Nice, just what I need. I’ve received advice from family and friends to elevate my leg, and keep pressure off of the knee, but as much as I appreciate the care and concern, how can a mother of a six year old and two year old do that?

Well, I finally relinquished my stubbornness and made an appointment to see my doctor this Friday. Hopefully she’ll say it’s not bad, and that it will heal on it’s own, and hopefully I will not be leaving her office with crutches. Now that would suck.

Anyway, Chris, Jesse, Ronald, and Bill went for a ski day at Big Bear on Monday… lucky ducks. I of course stayed home with my bum knee, hung out with Logan, and continued with my guitar practicing.

Last night we took the kids to their very first Roller Skating Rink experience. They had a lot of fun and I so wished I could join them on the floor, but I contented myself with sitting on the sidelines, taking pictures of course (I’ll post those later). James kept falling down, being it was his first time. But do you know how that little six year old of mine remedied the situation? He grabbed two little girls and held each of their hands so that they could help him stay up. It felt like an eerie peek into the future, if he ends up like Chris, who was himself, a “smooth talker” back in the day. I swear, the grin on Chris’ face could have rivaled The Joker’s.

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast.
I’m missing the moments as they pass.
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer,
So wait for me this time.

I’m down I’m down on my knees I’m begging for all your sympathy.
But you, you don’t seem to care.
You humble people everywhere.
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer.
I’ll take what you give me. Please know that I’m learning,
So wait for me this time.

I should’ve known better.
I shouldn’t have wasted those days.
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away.
Now this is my time,
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me.
Please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer

So wait for me this time.

(music and lyrics by Chantal Kreviazuk)

{Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear}

[Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel]

Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes.

Ok so I was driving on the 210 this morning, talking on my phone to my friend and not paying attention to the road (what’s new right?), and this blue Honda passes quickly by me on my right.

And I’m like heeeey Jonathan’s on the 210 again! (Jonathan is a buddy of mine who, well, obviously owns a blue Honda).

So I speed up, and with a huge and incredibly goofy grin on my face, look right at the drivers side window of said blue Honda.

And to my horror it wasn’t Jonathan, but some weird curly headed guy that looked like he had been transported from the 70s — tight, pinkish collard shirt, big curly poofy hair — yeah the whole nine.

So because I have THE best luck in the world, he SEES me, sees my grin and immediately has that doofy “what’s up” look that guys put on their face, because for some reason they think they can look as good as Joey Tribiani on Friends. And I’m like ummmm neeeevermind and drive on keeping my eyes fully on the road. Meanwhile I can hear my friend cracking up in my ear because I’m so embarrassed and what else could I do but do a full play by play of my predicament to him??

Sadly the 70s guy kept driving up next to me for about ten minutes, trying to gain back my attention before he finally got the hint that it was all a mistake, and no way on this beautiful green Earth would I EVER grin like that at some random stranger in their car.

And that my friends was the hilarious start to my day.

And, yes I know, I’m a spaz with a capital LAME.

… is clearly what I am when it comes to my kids some days.

Especially with James lately. He will be six in a couple of months and is getting better and better at finding that frail little last nerve of mine to step on. He complains about every little thing right down to the dinners I make:

“The rice is touching the chicken mahhhhmeeeeeee, I told you I don’t like them touching!!!!”

And his talking back is getting worse and worse. I know he doesn’t really realize the harm he’s doing there, after all, most of it is inquisitively put, but still! I was raised by my parents to not ever even dare have conversations like this little gem from two nights ago:

Me: James, please clean your room.
James: But I’m playing right now.
Me: It doesn’t matter, you need to clean your room now.
James: But why?
Me (temper rising but trying very hard to keep it cool): Because I am asking you to!
James (storming away towards his room while stomping his feet and starting to cry): Uggghhhh!! That’s so mean!

And the entire time he’s “cleaning” his room, I hear angry mumbling and crashing of toys in his toy box, and not until I finally YELL for him to “stop before I go over there” does the cleaning continue quietly.

So I’ve been praying for James. A lot. But the more I prayed, the more God responded with, “Um, yeah it’s you who needs to change. You need to accept James for who he is, and not just try to tolerate him. Learn to appreciate and enjoy him, even with all his five-year-old-quirks.”

Wow… yeah, what a wake up call to realize I’m totally and completely screwing a bunch of it up. “Your kids will do what you DO, and NOT what you say.” Someone told me that when James turned two. I can’t remember who it was but despite keeping that piece of advice in constant repeat in my head, you can still hear me yelling and losing my temper some days when I wish I would have just taken a breath and kept my cool.

.
So now I’ve began praying for myself more. For patience, for understanding, for God to help me be a better mom for my kids. So that even if they do what I do and not what I say, it will still be for the better.

{ Lord, please change me! Forgive me for being irritable, and help me to be the loving, understanding, and accepting mom my kids need. And please help me to see James and all his “five-year-old-ness” through Your eyes. And Lord thank You for Your grace and patience with me. And even during my walk with You, even as I take three steps forward, thank you for always being there to catch me when I fall two steps back. }

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I haven’t yet decided on who I will vote for as far as the presidential side but as far as the some of the ridiculous propositions that will be on the ballot tomorrow, here is my say:
.
Measure S: (L.A. city only) Upholds and updates the city’s current 10 percent telephone-users tax, which has been successfully challenged in court by telephone companies. The measure on the February ballot would “lower” the tax rate to 9 percent but expand the tax to new telephone-like communications technology.
No! No! No!
.
Prop. 91: Prohibits certain motor vehicle fuel sales and use taxes, that are earma.rked for the Transportation Investment Fund, from being retained in the General Fund. Currently such taxes may be retained if Governor issues a proclamation, a special statute is enacted by a 2/3 vote of the Legislature, repayment occurs within three years, and certain other conditions are met. Requires repayment by 6/30/17 of such vehicle fuel taxes retained in General Fund from 7/1/03 to 6/30/08. Currently repayment is generally required by 6/30/16. Changes how and when General Fund borrowing of certain transportation funds is allowed.
No.

Prop. 92: Establishes in state constitution a system of independent public community college districts and Board of Governors. Generally, requires minimum levels of state funding for school districts and community college districts to be calculated separately, using different criteria and separately appropriated. Allocates 10.46 percent of current Proposition 98 school funding maintenance factor to community colleges. Sets community college fees at $15/unit per semester; limits future fee increases. Provides formula for allocation by Legislature to community college districts that would not otherwise receive general fund revenues through community college apportionment.
No.

Prop. 93: Reduces the total amount of time a person may serve in the state legislature from 14 years to 12 years.
Allows a person to serve a total of 12 years either in the Assembly, the Senate, or a combination of both.
Provides a transition period to allow current members to serve a total of 12 consecutive years in the house in which they are currently serving, regardless of any prior service in another house.
No! No! No!

Props 94-97: REFERENDUM ON AMENDMENT TO INDIAN GAMING COMPACT.
Yes

Reality strikes, at best…

I want to begin this blog by offering my deepest and most sincere condolences to the family and friends of Heath Ledger, the young movie star found dead this week in his apartment. The point of view of this blog does not in any way intend to minimize the loss, hurt, and emotional suffering of those with whom he was close.However, the amount of media attention to this tragedy does seem excessive to some, while the heroically tragic sacrifices of other talented and brave young Americans go unnoticed. A “Blue Star Mother” (an organization of mothers who now have, or have had, children honorably serving in the military bluestarmothers.org) wrote to me:

“In listening to the recent press hysteria surrounding Heath Ledger’s death, I can’t help but contrast that with the ultimate sacrifice our troops make every day with no fanfare.

My son, a Specialist with the Army 25th ID, is stationed in Taji, Iraq. Last Friday he witnessed the death of his very good friend, Specialist Jon Schoolcraft, age 26, to an IED, not to mention the grievous wounds sustained by others in the same attack. I would ask your listeners to log onto the DoD website (defenselink.mil/Releases/ ) just once to see the names and ages of the brave young men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. Better yet, turn off the gossip channels on the TV and Internet and write a letter or send a care package to the troops to let them know they’re not forgotten.

God Bless you, Dr. Laura, for all you do for our troops. I too am a Proud Mother of an American Soldier…Hoo-ah!”

I believe that a civilization is measured in great part by what it chooses to honor.

Cause I am a Superwoman,
Yes I am (yes she is).
Even when I’m a mess,
I still put on a vest,
with an “S” on my chest, ohhh yes,
I’m a Superwoman, yes I am.
-Alicia Keys

We’ve all been sick the past couple of days… Logan getting the worst of it with his fevers getting as high as 103.8°F (39.8°C) on Thursday and Friday night. He’d break his fever in the morning and then it would come back again. Last night though it didn’t come back and he’s happy as a clam so far today. Now we’re just a group of coughing, sneezing, kleenex clutching sickees.